Dislike and more dislike..??

Hello Hello, I have not updated this blog in .... a very veeery long time as I have noticed
then again, no one ever reads this, so I do not particularly seem to mind...??

Anyways, I just use this blog, to rant about things that, well, I do not like or simply cannot tell others because, it would start a sort of "argument" , and honestly I dislike arguing over things, but anyways, this time (after a long time) , I am here to just rant

rant about life in general really, about my "love" life if you will, my financial life, .. my life as a whole.

To put it simple, it has been a total shit. I shall see if I can sum up, what these past years have been for me (from 2012 to current.)

After I stopped updating this blog, I had been shut down completely by my best friend (at the time), the famous phrase "friendzoned" , and obviously, I was very stupid at that time, and I did not take he's words seriously, until he started going out with a friend he had where he lived.

I simply broke down, and felt shitty, I had somewhere to go to luckily, I went and started to draw again, I got better, I enjoyed it there, I made new friends, I loved it.

I haven;t spoken to this person until a year ago, simply putting it like that, I shut him down, due to me being "heartbroken" , but you would assume that, that would not happen again.

Wrong, oh how wrong my sayings could be, a few months later, I become very close friends with another guy, whom I start off great with, jokes and giggles. Later, we get somewhat, serious. Then leave it as "we'll be friends instead" , for almost 2 years , I had been in a relationship of sorts, with this person. To be honest, unlike the last one where it was ME who said "I love you..." first, this time it was him.

Now, when he said it, I did not feel love for him, I just ... liked him. That was it.
Yet, slowly I started to feel this love for him to, but it was for nothing.

A month later, he had started a relationship with another girl, whom he had started talking with in the same month he had confessed he loved me,
In the same month he had grown close to this girl,
In the same month that he had told me countless "I love you"s

In that same dreadful month.

And he expected, we stay friends, after such a ridiculous event. No.

I tried, I honestly did, but I simply was to angry, just why would he do that to me.

I cut him off like my last failed love.

Curious enough, a month later, he moves to live in the same country, same town, and same block as this girl.

A girl he met in a month, and whom he had a 2 month relationship with.

Yet not once did he even try or even make an attempt to visit me, not once.
Yet for her, he was willing to change college, change lifestyle, change everything.

By now, well, I simply do not care much, even though I sit here, typing away all this, I do not feel anything about it, maybe I have "moved on" , I just look back and , well, laugh.

Now I am in college, aiming for an Animation and Graphics degree.
yet, I feel as if my time in this world is running short.

I do not mind.
If I leave, then it will be for the best.

I have made peace with my depression, it simply lives with me, it has grown to be part of , well, me.

Currently I do not wish to make any connections or anything with anybody.

I simply do not want to love anyone, I have put my hat and coat away when it comes to that emotion.


I am just not cut out for this "love business", I was simply meant to be alone. Forever.

as sad as it sounds, it seems everyone around me has someone special, while I do not.



Yet, I am not sad, I just accepted this status quota.


anywho, until next time, I shall try to update this more often really.
maybe one day something in this blog will be, a happy thing.

funny really how in the beginning it was to post things from my life, and how it went.
Now look at it, slowly, post by post I changed, my form changed, I went from a happy person, to a grim and dark person ... weird.